Her years of monetizing the troubles within her marriage are over.
Now, Jana Kramer is embarking upon a new journey: monetizing her divorce from Mike Caussin.
She is doing that in a new interview, expressing her heartbreak.
That is apparent, as she breaks down into tears while describing the state of things.
Instead of being joined by her cheating ex, Jana spoke on her podcast with friend Sara Gretzky and life coach Gabby Bernstein.
“My heart’s like pounding,” Jana confessed to her friend.
“This is … so sorry for everyone listening right now — this is not easy,” she said while tearful.
“For those of you that haven’t seen the news,” Jana said.
“I filed for divorce a few weeks ago,” she announced.
“And it has not been easy,” Jana affirmed, “I’ll say that.”
“And honestly, I don’t even know if I want to do the show anymore,” Jana admitted.
“I’m being completely honest,” she added.
She recalled how she had started the podcast alone, but with Mike joining her, the podcast had felt “like ours.”
Jana then explained: “So now it feels weird not having him on here.”
“And, I don’t know, it’s just feels weird,” she expressed.
Jana also noted that she is currently in “the middle of grieving.”
Jana went on to detail that things are the most painful in the morning and at night.
During the day, when she’s caring for her children, she feels that sulking would be a luxury.
But when the children take their daily naps, Jana says, she goes to her room and cries.
Jana said that at time she felt “so depressed” that she couldn’t load the dishwasher.
“I was a zombie, that was for two weeks,” she described.
“Now I go in and out of crying,” Jana characterized.
“I didn’t want this,” Jana affirmed.
“At the end of the day,” she said, “I think where I’m at is, I’m embarrassed.”
“I’m embarrassed that this is how it ended,” Jana explained.
“And then,” Jana confessed, “I also feel like I let people down.”
“We’ve come on here, and we’ve fought, and we fought for it,” she emphasized.
“But, really, the words that were spoken,” Jana went on, “they were honest from me, is what I’ll say.”
Here friend Sara admitted that she had felt stunned by Jana’s divorce from her infamous cheating husband.
According to Sara, everything had seemed fine.
And Jana admitted that she had felt the exact same way about the state of her marriage.
“Even a few days before things came to light we were like, ‘Wow, we’re really good right now,'” Jana admitted.
She did thank fans who have showered her with support.
She also noted that spouses in similar situations had asked how she found the “courage” to leave Mike.
“I still don’t have the strength,” Jana confessed.
“it’s just somewhere where it’s like, I have no choice,'” she admitted.
Jana characterized her emotional state: “I’m the weakest I’ve ever been.”
“Maybe in the future, I’ll feel that strength,” Jana suggested optimistically.
“But,” she revealed, “I went to my therapist a few weeks ago.”
Jana went to her therapist with an attitude “like, ‘Fine I’ll live this life. I don’t want to break up my family.'”
“My whole thing is like, I didn’t want this for the kids,'” Jana stated.
“I’ve stayed for my kids,” she noted, “even when other things happened.”
Jana continued: “My therapist was like, ‘You don’t want to live that life … it’s taking your life away.'”
Jana explained her reasoning: “I’m like, ‘Yeah, but my kids. We’ll be together.'”
She once again began to get choked up, imagining what it will be like when she drops off her kids for an overnight visit with their dad.
“I’m going to be destroyed,” Jana predicted.
“It’s not what I wanted, it’s not what I worked for, and it’s not f–king fair,” Jana noted.
She expressed: “That makes me so angry.”
“I worked too damn hard for it to end this way,” Jana lamented.
Jana previously believed that she was being “strong” for staying with Mike despite everything.
“Everything” in this case involving a cheating scandal, a “sex addiction relapse,” a sexting scandal.
Alsoa vague incident where a “boundary” was “broken,” and more accusations just six months ago that he was cheating again.
Right now, though, Jana shared that she has begun to feel “weak” for having stayed.
She reasoned: “because I’m staying because I don’t want to be alone.”
“I’m staying because I want to keep my family together,” Jana explained, “and I don’t know I believe a change anymore.”
Jana shared that she had “friends basically tell me they would lose respect for me” if she didn’t leave Mike.
“And,” she added, “those were the friends that were like, ‘We love you and support you no matter what.'”
While Mike claimed to have “sex addiction,” Jana expressed that their cycle of transgression and forgiveness made her feel like the “addict.”
“I feel like I’m coming off of heroin,” Jana characterized.
“I’m like, I need it,” she explained. “What do I need? It’s not healthy.”
“I don’t know what a healthy version looks like anymore,” Jana admitted.
“There is definitely moments where it’s like, it’s nice to not have to wonder,” Jana shared of her current relief.
“Worry, look. I was always so afraid of that moment,” she added.
Jana said that she and Mike had tried a brutally honest conversation “a few weeks before everything came to light.”
Jana at the time hadn’t wanted to “find it” on her own, so she had asked him if anything was up.
“It was such a connected moment and he swore on his sobriety there was nothing,” she added.
“Knowing now what I know … not having to look at things and question and wonder and worry, there is some relief in that,” Jana expressed.
Jana acknowledged that there is “so much sadness” when it comes to their kids.
She explained “because they didn’t deserve this, they didn’t ask for this.”
Jana said that she feels sad when she thinks of “dream of what I thought it was gonna be” in their marriage’s future.
But Mike was not “who I thought I was working with and who he said to all of us who he was.”
Jana admitted that “not having that really be a reality is kind of a slap in the face.”
It’s a betrayal, through and through.
Jana said that she hopes that the podcast will not morph into “the divorce guide of single mamas.”
She also vowed that “every will will not be a sob show.”
Only time will tell if she’s better at keeping her promises than Mike is.